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Dating, in particular, has become even more complicated. For Gen-Z and millennial Muslim women, that complication is exacerbated as they try to balance religion, culture and gender. Dating for Muslims can be very different from Western practices. Within Islam, a halal , or permissible, way of dating means getting parents or a third party involved early on; abstaining from casual dates, hookups and sex; and talking about marriage right off the bat.
In recent years, liberal Muslims have been trying to normalize this. For many Muslim women, going on dates in public spaces and having parents supervise them — or going on dates in secret — was the norm before the pandemic. Dating freely was already logistically difficult for Nihala Malik, a year-old Pakistani Muslim from Canada. Malik and her boyfriend had been dating in secret for a little over a year and half when the pandemic hit.
Recently, they decided to tell their parents — which, for many Muslims, means starting conversations about marriage. The couple met on Muzmatch , a Muslim dating app, and hit it off quickly. It was difficult to live under the judgment of others in the community, she says. That fear has always impacted how secure and present she feels in the relationship, she says, a phenomenon that many Muslim women describe.
The couple had a long-distance relationship while Malik attended law school in Ottawa and her boyfriend lived in Toronto.
Muslim Online Dating
We cannot defeat racism if we continue to allow cultural biases govern who we love or who we let our children marry. In an attempt to escape the quarantine daze, I started watching Netflix’s new reality series, Indian Matchmaking , about the often-misunderstood world of arranged marriage. At first, I really enjoyed watching and somethings search for love and marriage in this traditional manner. My friends and I laughed at snobby Aparna, cringed at the scenes with “mama’s boy” Akshay, and cried when sweet Nadia’s second suitor turned out to be an unapologetic “bro”.
By the end of the eight-episode series, however, I felt nauseous.
Using data from the general population in the US, it would seem that these community elders are well within their right to worry. Since , the proportion of married US adults has fallen nearly 20 percentage points, while about half of all adults question the societal value of marriage altogether. Yet, even if Muslims as a whole outpace other comparable groups in marriage rate, the likelihood of being married may vary across key demographics.
Figure 3 dives a bit deeper, revealing differences between American Muslim single men and single women. Since we do not have data from other time periods, it is hard to say whether this has always been the case in the Muslim community or whether these gaps are the result of recent trends. What is clear, however, is though there are more single Muslim men than Muslim women, single Muslim women may struggle to find a spouse as educated or religious as they are.
This suggests that Muslim single women face a unique challenge when looking for spouses of comparable education and religious devotion. The article has been edited for length. What are the marriage trends among American Muslims? Marriage is a constant topic in American Muslim circles. Islamic texts encourage marriage. But, given that a majority of American Muslims are first-, second-, or third-generation immigrants, the concept of marriage can take on heightened significance as the community continues to establish itself in the US while maintaining particular cultural and spiritual norms.
Single Muslims tends to be younger than their Christian and Jewish counterparts Yet, even if Muslims as a whole outpace other comparable groups in marriage rate, the likelihood of being married may vary across key demographics. Single Muslim women are younger, more educated and more religiously inclined than single Muslim men Figure 3 dives a bit deeper, revealing differences between American Muslim single men and single women.
Secret grocery dates, religion-specific apps: Dating as a Muslim woman in the pandemic
But not all communities date. Muslims, for example, often get to know potential suitors with the aim of getting married as soon as possible, predominantly to avoid premarital sex. No matter what your preferences, the dating pool might not scream talent. But when you add religion to the mix — particularly if you are trying to find someone on the same religious level as you — the pool becomes smaller.
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Many of our ebooks are available through library electronic resources including these platforms:. A compelling portrait of a group of boys as they navigate the complexities of being both American teenagers and good Muslims. This book provides a uniquely personal look at the social worlds of a group of young male friends as they navigate the complexities of growing up Muslim in America. But neither militant Islamism nor Islamophobia is the main concern of these boys, who are focused instead on juggling the competing cultural demands that frame their everyday lives.
O’Brien effectively shows teenage Muslim Americans to be an unjustly persecuted minority, delving into the psychology of how they behave in reaction to their outsider status in order to paint a portrait of social anxiety and strained assimilation that is universal in its power. The boys featured are very much real and the struggles—and triumphs—they experience are rendered potently. While slogging through endlessly, unnecessarily dense academic readings, it can be easy to forget that reading can be both smooth and impactful at the same time.
In short: I both grew and had fun reading Keeping it Halal. It should be read by anyone concerned with the way young people navigate complicated cultural terrains. O’Brien provides rich descriptions of the cultural work these teenagers do in their efforts to be both good Muslims and fully American. O’Brien writes with empathy, sensitivity, and analytical sophistication about people trying to manage the cultural tensions of being young and Muslim in American society.
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One of those names probably looks less familiar than the others, and for good reason. Young Muslim Americans aren’t exactly dominant in the mainstream dating conversation, and that’s because “dating while Muslim” is its own unique, oft-misunderstood reality. And with devout religion comes tradition that doesn’t necessarily mesh with modern dating culture.
Not all young Muslim Americans have serious religious upbringings.
The series describes, with tart precision and irony, the lives of young American Muslims who may drink, have sex, and believe in God—and who keep much of their lives secret from their parents and their friends. Youssef plays the title character, Ramy, who is unclear about what type of Muslim he is or ought to be. He dates non-Muslim women but hides his religion. Put off less by his beliefs than by his deceit, she walks away.
In response, he decides to try dating Muslim women, and he asks his parents to set him up. Ramy displays a catalogue of misguided assumptions about not only his parents but other Egyptians and Muslims. Toward the end of the series, Ramy decides to go to Egypt to figure himself out. It is his first trip there in fifteen years, and his pre-formed view of Egypt is shattered the minute he lands. He keeps asking his cousin to take him to mosques; instead, the cousin takes him to a party that is no different from the ones Ramy tired of in New York.
Like many first-generation Egyptian-American immigrants, Ramy finds that many Arab-Muslim ideals that he has been trying to live up to in America have already been discarded by many of his peers in Egypt.